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Inside Or Outside?

“When I look at you I know Doomsday is near!” my grandmother Cenan would say to me…

When she married the postmaster of Mecca and gave birth to my mother Adalet, her fourth daughter, in Mecca, my mother was placed on the doorsill of the Kaba, as was the custom, and prayers were made that she be a righteous person… Grandma would narrate this story frequently…

Apparently, her father had disputed with Sayyid Hasan Efendy, then Amir of Mecca, endangering our whole family history and lineage! He stood up against him and said, “Sufficient for me is the knowledge of Allah, you mean nothing to me!”… After which, they moved to Turkey and assumed the surname “Yesilbag,” which means “green tie,” as it was custom in those days for the sayyid to tie a green tie around their heads…

Hence, grandma would liken me to her father, who nearly demolished our entire lineage when he was upset! She’d get exasperated from my (the atheist child raised in Istanbul!) obscure questions, and say, “This boy is a sign that Doomsday is upon us!”… When she passed away during her 80s, I was only 17, and with a sudden turn, I started reciting the call to prayer at Cerrahpasha Mosque across the street from our house in Istanbul!

I tried fervently to awaken the people to the reality, and on many occasions, was insulted and sworn at… Nevertheless, for my grandma, I was the sign of Doomsday… That’s the image she had of me when she left this realm…

Obviously, for someone who was born almost a century ago and spent most of her life in Mecca, a child of Istanbul born in 1945 was rather complicated and confusing, and thus a sign of the nearing of Doomsday…

Whereas now, when I look at the way the youth talk and their areas of interest, I can’t help but look at them as signs of Doomsday!

After nearly 40 years of extensive research and study, I still find it difficult explaining some of these topics to my peers, let alone to teenagers, who not only comprehend things quickly, but challenge me with such daring questions that, while trying to answer them, I find myself thinking “Signs of Doomsday, these kids!”

As it turns out, these “signs of Doomsday” are quite cognitive! They grasp quickly the fact there is no god in space, especially if they haven’t been raised in a conservative family.

They understand there is no “god,” but when it comes to understanding and experiencing the reality denoted by Allah, things go a little haywire…

They understand at an intellectual level the size of the universe, but when it comes to understanding its dimensionality, they get confused…

My book Allah became quite popular on the internet recently. Among its readers is Bill Donahue, a researcher from New Jersey. Recently, four or five of the 45 minute shows he hosts every week has been about my book Allah. He’s around my age, maybe a little older. It’s worth seeing how he explains the invalidity of the concept of godhood and the reality that only Allah exists (

Though this is where it gets a little complicated… Bill says, “God isn’t in space. He’s inside us!” Just like our nouveau Sufis! Allah isn’t inside us! He isn’t inside!

Allah is AHAD and SAMAD!

Concepts such as ‘inside’ and ‘outside’ do not apply to Him. He is beyond concepts such as ‘me’ or ‘you.’ You can’t conceive Him to be inside yourself. If you do, you’re creating another god and calling him Allah. Allah isn’t a god. He is bereft, he is al-Ghani. But knowing this isn’t sufficient. One needs to feel and experience this.

Narrating from Zen teachings Bill says, “If you die before you die then you won’t die when you die” and explains the only way to know one’s self is to abandon the concept of god and understand Allah, frequently using the word ‘inside’ as a reference.

But where is this inside? When we say inside, what exactly do we have in mind? Are we talking about an individual inside or a collective one? Both are incorrect. Remember Allah is AHAD.

Concepts such as inside and outside are relative terms; they exist only for creation. The Absolute Reality is AHAD and SAMAD. Every quality or attribute that comes to mind is obsolete in the sight of His Ahadiyyah (the Absolute Oneness of existence). He is beyond all conceptualized ideas and thoughts.

When He observes Himself on you, you will no longer be. Therefore, your inside won’t exist either. Even the idea of an inside will disappear.

Allah is such Oneness that none other has ever existed and will ever exist! He is beyond the concepts of inner and outer, and His Oneness renders all gods and concepts of godhood invalid and inexistent.

As for ‘me’… ‘I’ am merely an assumed reality who is essentially inexistent… An inexistent servant of Allah…



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